Aeipathy
by lovelylouis
Summary: — (noun) A lost word, an aeipathy is classified as an unyielding passion or love of something or someone. A passion so strong that it could be considered pathological; it withstands, time, doubt, and change. /Hanahaki Disease/College!AU, Jamulus, for QLS5


**A/N:** Let me just say that I hate word counts. Anyway. I hope you enjoy this. :D

 **Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.**

 **Chaser 3 Prompt:** Write about a Truth that is a love confession.

 **Prompts** : 9. [sound] Screaming, 10. [word] Wither, 11. [emotion] Regret

 **Hanahaki Disease! AU/ College! AU**

 **The Houses Competition:** Round 1/Theme: Rejection/Prompt: Acceptance ( of death and love/ figuratively)

 **Many thanks to my lovely Captain of the Harpies and beta Sam! (MissingMommy)**

 **Word Count:** 3,000

* * *

 _ **Aiepathy**_

* * *

The day James discovers his feelings is the day he decides to die.

It's another one of those lazy days where there are no essays to finish before deadlines (read: scramble to write) or tests to study for (read: cram all the material into his head as fast as humanly possible). University is fun and hard work, and luckily, this day it's fun.

He, for one, is sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor with his back pressed against the couch. There's a Wii controller in his hands that he's moving wildly around, leaning left or right depending in the direction of the turn he's making. They're in the common room of the Gryffindor Dormitory, eating Chinese food takeout and playing Mario Kart.

Sirius and Remus have monopolized two out of the three seats on the couch, whilst Lily has snatched the last seat. Frank and Alice, who James _swears_ were here occupying the other couch, have gone who knows where. (Probably in Frank's room doing something he would not want to imagine.)

Surprisingly, it's Regulus who sits beside him, quipping insults every time he's hit with those _damned_ green shells. Which actually happens often, but in his defense, he's playing against _Lily_ —Mario Kart champion.

"Would you stop moving your entire body? You play like a girl," Sirius cries when James' elbow jabs his shin once again. James momentarily takes one hand off the controller to flip him off.

"That's rude," Regulus drawls, side glancing James, and his lips curling into a smirk, "to girls. Lily's already ahead of him by an entire lap."

"I can catch up!"

Remus, committing the ultimate betrayal, throws a shell at his pitiable Yoshi, and his chance is gone. But Regulus _laughs_ , eyes crinkly and smile wide with a slight flush on his cheeks, all light, airy, and breathless, and James feels his pulse stutter at its absolute radiance.

( _And, oh, he's lost so much more than just a game in this moment_.)

He doesn't see this carefree laugh as much he wants to. Hell, he's barely seen _Regulus_ as much as he wants to since they started university. It's through all his effort that Regulus is even here with them. James was livid when Regulus confessed some time ago that he thought they were only being nice to him because Sirius was his older brother. That's obviously _not_ the case, at least not with James.

It took a lot of ambushes on his part, such as surprising Regulus on his way to class and making plans before the other boy could refuse or making it a daily habit to get coffee together in the mornings because they're stressed college students. He doesn't regret any of it, and he's thrilled that Regulus feels so at ease with them— _with him._

(It's in that moment that he feels his stomach clench and his lungs burn more than usual. James isn't sure when it began, but he's been coughing lately because of the pain in his lungs. He waved it off as nothing a few weeks ago.— _it's just a cold, that's it_ —and he does the same today.)

Something blooms in his chest, feeling very physical, as it did mentally. It's then realizes two very important things, as James stares longer than socially acceptable at him: 1) He _likes_ Regulus, and 2) He must've eaten way too much Chinese food because his heart _hurts_.

* * *

Later that evening, when he's alone in his room, he feels that incessant burn in his lungs which turn into _horrible_ coughs. He's not sure it's a cold anymore. Not when the cough overpowers him and he's left gasping and breathless on the floor, throat raw and hoarse. James is wheezing when he catches sight of a wet splotch on the floor. He squints, trying in vain to see because his glasses became askew, and he leans closer.

On the floor, covered in thick mucus, saliva, and blood, lays a yellow petal.

The sight makes him recoil and want to vomit. He _knows_ what the petal means. What the petal holds for him in the near future.

And so he does vomit, leaving the trash can filled with even more yellow petals.

(He hates the color yellow.)

By the time his coughing has ceased, there are various internet tabs open on his computer. James reads avidly through the various websites until he stops at the page from St. Mungo's which is the hospital nearest to Hogwarts University.

 _Hanahaki disease: wherein the sufferer, faced with unrequited love, finds flowers growing in their lungs and brain. Unless fixed, it can be fatal; although the surgery required to fix it permanently often makes the sufferer forget swathes of time, up to and including the person they loved._

 _The disease, and the likelihood of obtaining it, is highly uncommon, but not impossible. Doctors have yet to figure out exactly how the lung forms the roots of the flowers, a mysterious phenomenon of the human body. It roots itself firmly in the lungs, growing and growing as time passes, taking shape in coughs before petals and flowers are produced. The root of this disease is Unrequited Love. However, if one's feelings are returned after the infected person gets Hanahaki disease, the plant will not automatically die. The flowers die if the love is known to be reciprocated._

 _The first stage begins with single petals; in this stage, nothing can be done. The infected person can either attempt to fall out of love, which has happened before, or confess their love in hopes of reciprocation. This stage is around days or two weeks. The second stage consist of full flowers being produced. This is the stage where it is treatable. It can last up from days to weeks. Surgery can be done in order to remove the plant from the lungs and remove the love from the person's mind. Waiting longer increases the chances of completely forgetting your loved one and death since operating is riskier. We recommend you contact your local hospital as soon as the second stage starts. The last stage, if left untreated, is death._

 _If you'd like to find more on neurosurgery and the medical procedure, please click here._

James is shaking, coughing every now and then. His dad always told him that his big heart would be his downfall. The way he cares and loves too much. He's never considered that to be a bad thing. He still doesn't. Not even when his bed is stained with blood, stems, and yellow petals.

James is actually grateful for the opportunity to love someone as wonderful as Regulus. Even if he doesn't love James back. That's okay. There's always surgery, right?

But what would that mean, to forget Regulus? To forget every single moment—happy and sad— the two shared? Forever? He can't imagine a world where he wakes and he doesn't know who Regulus is.

Maybe it's because he's an absolute romantic or maybe it's because of the stories his mom told him about finding love. _Once you love, cherish it_.

(Or maybe it's because he's a coward _.)_

He's decides to die.

* * *

"You look like shit," Regulus says bluntly, tone laced with concern. It's the morning after and they meet up per usual at The Phoenix for coffee. He takes a seat across James, taking the coffee James already bought for him. "Is something bothering you?"

James grins, aware of the purple shadows under his eyes. "What? I never look horrible. You should get your eyes checked."

Regulus calmly takes a sip of his black coffee, which James finds disgusting. He tells him so, trying to redirect the conversation. He doesn't want to waste their precious time together.

"It's better than your sugary drink," Regulus huffs. He purses his lips, narrowing his eyes at James. "Go to the doctor, okay?"

James swallows the lump in his throat and nods. Regulus seems to relax after he agrees.

"Anyway, Barty needs to learn how to close the door," Regulus complains. "If I see another unwanted tryst of his, I'll cut off his package."

James laughs. "That's why I decided to get a single this year. Sirius and Remus are too eager with each other."

Regulus grins, commenting on how touchy feely the two are. His head throbs and his lungs burn, but it doesn't deter him from excitedly telling Regulus about Sirius and whips, gestures wide and voice loud.

When Regulus laughs, it only confirms James' decision.

* * *

His cough has gotten worse since then. He wears a cough mask all the time because he isn't slick enough to catch all the flowers that tumble out of his mouth. Luckily, he can brush it off as a cold.

(They're yellow carnations; they mean _rejection._ He wonders why they couldn't be daffodils instead? Daffodils mean new beginnings. Death is a new beginning, isn't it?)

"How do you notarize a will?" James asks Remus, breaking the comfortable silence they formed while studying. The two are in the library studying for the course they share.

"You're not going to die," Remus responds, rolling his eyes. "Studying isn't going to kill you. It will, however, give you good grades."

James sighs, it wasn't quite the response he was hoping for. He'll have to search it up later.

* * *

Doctor Pince sends him a sympathetic look as she disposes the dreaded flowers. "Are you sure of your decision?"

"Yes," he answers, fingers twitching and foot tapping. The lights are too bright and her gaze is too intense.

"Here's a pamphlet." She hands him a leaflet with information on the surgery. "If you happen to change your mind, which I highly suggest you do, this is a guide meant to calm your fears. Surgery is nothing to be afraid of, Mr Potter."

James doesn't want to be here, but his friends were too worried and wouldn't accept his explanation. "Thank you."

"Now, the most I can do is give you medicine for the headaches and cough. It'll suppress the pain, but this does not make it go away. Are we clear?"

She hands him the prescription and he takes it gladly. James is up and ready to go, but she stops him by the door. "Mr Potter, you're so far in the second stage. You're so young. Love comes and goes. Reconsider."

He laughs, thanking her and walking towards the pharmacy. To his surprise, Remus, Sirius, Frank, and Lily are waiting for him outside the clinic in Lily's car. They yell and scream excitedly at him. He points to the pharmacy and practically runs out of the place to get to them when he gets the pain pills.

Which isn't a good ideas since he's panting heavily and ends up supporting himself on the car. He laughs, raising his hands to show he's okay.

"I'm good, I'm good," James cries when it looks like they're going to jump out of the car.

"What's the verdict, Prongs?" Sirius yells from inside the sedan. Lily, of course, is at the wheel with Remus in the passenger seat. Frank, Sirius, and Regulus sit in the back seats, and James will also sit in the back. It's a five person car, so it's going to be a tight fit.

James climbs inside the car, grateful for the mask hiding his blush. Regulus is squeezed next to him, thighs and knees pressed against one another. "It's just a bad cold!"

Regulus frowns, reaching for his prescription bag. He looks at the headache and cough pills. "Are you sure? Was the doctor competent?"

"She's the best," Lily chimes in.

Regulus seems appeased and thorns scratch James' throat.

* * *

It's become routine for him to call his parents almost every three days or so. Everyone sums it up as homesickness despite it being his second year away.

James likes to hear his mother ramble on about the family, as he lays in bed, phone pressed to his ear. He hasn't told anyone about the disease, and he's not going to. But he doesn't want to die without letting his parents know how much he loves them.

Especially because she's planning his visit home.

"I can't wait for the break to come," she goes on, excited and happy. "I haven't seen you in so long! It's almost like I don't have a son anymore which is awful."

"You'll always have a son," he replies weakly, eyes closing in self-loathing. "No matter what happens."

"Of course, sweetie. Now do you know the exact date you three are coming home? I haven't seen my boys in forever. Tell Sirius and Regulus their rooms are exactly the way they left them, except I've tidied. Ah, my boys are coming home!"

James feels sick as she goes on and about his visit home. He leaves his phone on his bed and empties everything into the trash can. At the rate he's going, James won't make it home.

There's an overwhelming guilt and regret eating him whenever he speaks to her. She loves him so very much, but he's going to cause her heart ache. He almost breaks down and tell her he has _it_. He almost tells her he's going to die. He almost tells her that he's going to have surgery so she doesn't have to worry about him.

James doesn't tell her anything.

(He's already accepted death.)

He lets her believe she will see him. "I love you," he whispers, wiping the petals and blood from his mouth. "See you soon."

 _Please, don't worry. It's going to be fine. I'm okay. I'll see you again someday._

* * *

The flowers become more difficult to control— _more difficult to hide_ —as they appear whenever he thinks of Regulus. So it's not like James wants to avoid him, it's just easier to breath. Of course, this is the young man he's decided to give up his life for, so he still sees him whenever he can. For instance, they still eat lunch together. It's just less, like he doesn't go out his way anymore to see his face and chat for a couple of seconds before lectures.

There's a persistent pounding in his head because of the sheer noise of the school cafeteria. James swallows two pills, praying they work fast.

"You don't seem to be getting better." Is the first thing Regulus says when he sits down. He pointedly stares at James' fluffy coat and at the sunlight streaming in from the windows.

"I am. The medicine is working." It's not, but it wasn't going to anyway. His complexion is really bad. He feels like passing out. "I'm okay, Reg."

Regulus frowns, and James wants to smooth his fingers over the crease in his forehead.

 _(His time is almost up. He can feel it in his bones.)_

"Let's go to the park," James says, already standing and grabbing his things. Regulus stares at him incredulously.

"We have class," Regulus responds slowly. "We can't miss it being so close to finals."

James pouts, giving Regulus the best puppy eyes. "Please, I need a break. I'm dying. I need this so much!"

 _I need this, please, I need you._

Regulus groans, but he stands and follows him out the building.

"You don't have a car," Regulus yells, as they run out of the grounds.

"It's not far. We can run!"

And they run to the small park with all their might. Regulus wins, and James knows running wasn't wise. He heaves into the trash can before Regulus comes back with a bottled water.

"I'm so sorry. I should've known better than to let you run." Regulus paces back and forth. "You already look dead, and I could've killed you faster!"

James bitterly laughs. "No, no, I wanted to."

The fresh breeze cools his skin. They walk towards the swings and idly swing their legs back and forth. It's nice to let himself go and just enjoy.

James smiles and looks at Regulus. His smile is like the sun, bright and shiny, he can't look away even though it burns him.

There is a lump in his throat because _oh, god, he wasn't going to confess._ But he _wants_ Regulus to know how much he means to James. He takes off his mask, shoving it in his pocket.

"Regulus, listen," he begins, lungs on fire. "At first, I was only interested in knowing more about the brother Sirius talked on and on about. When you showed up, out of the blue, with your own bag of clothes and bruises, I knew I had to protect you at all costs. You were family, and you still are. It hurt when you pulled away from me and Sirius. It was like I had to make you open up all over again, but it was so worth it. I'm so happy that you're happy. I'm sorry that I've betrayed your trust. You want to be friends, and I've gone and . . . fallen in love with you."

The violent cough that erupts out of him keels him over. Yellow carnations and blood seem to pour out of his soul and body. His vision is spotty and he can barely think straight.

An angel appears before him and he registers it belatedly as Regulus. James lifts his arm up, brushing the tears on his angel's face away. It's only when he feels the tears land on him that he notices he never moved his hand.

"James, you fucking idiot!" Regulus screams. His voice is so pretty. He'd love to hear more of it. "I love you. I love you _so much._ If you die on me, I'll kill you! _I love you._ Just wait, please, help is on its way! Give me a chance to respond."

James hears screaming coming from above but he can't make out the words anymore. His body is being thrown about and handled by various different hands.

Lips press themselves desperately against his own. "True love's kiss," he slurs.

His body is so, _so_ light, like the _damned_ plant rooted in his chest has withered and he can breathe freely again.


End file.
